There is a quiet shift happening in how young men show up for each other, and new data from Hinge is putting numbers to something many Gen Z men already know from lived experience.
Hinge’s new How We Friend campaign, part of its One More Hour initiative, released survey data this September from more than 4,700 Gen Z adults across the US and UK that challenges the long-held narrative that men aren’t showing up for one another. The research reveals that Gen Z men are not only investing deeply in their friendships, but they’re increasingly embracing vulnerability as a core part of what it means to be a good friend.
According to the data, 71% of US Gen Z men consider willingness to be vulnerable essential in friendship. That number sits at 65% for UK Gen Z men. And when it comes to who they turn to when things get hard, the findings are just as telling: 54% of US Gen Z men and 59% of UK Gen Z men say they talk to their friends about their problems when they’re struggling, more than any other source of support, including parents, siblings, or a significant other.
The friendships Gen Z men are building are also defined by loyalty, trust, and the ability to listen. In the US, 89% of Gen Z men said being loyal is one of the top ways they show up in close friendships, followed by being trustworthy at 88% and listening without judgment at 84%. UK Gen Z men ranked trustworthiness first at 90%, loyalty second at 89%, and listening without judgment third at 84%.
Still, building those friendships doesn’t come without friction. The top barriers to meeting new people for US Gen Z men include social anxiety at 66%, not knowing where to find potential friends at 64%, and difficulty fitting it into their schedules at 62%. And the number one thing standing between Gen Z men and a new friendship?
Not knowing if the other person wants to build one too, cited by 66% of US respondents and 65% of UK respondents. The data suggests that the desire to connect is there. The confidence to initiate it often isn’t.
NBA Oklahoma City Thunder shooting guard Jared McCain and his best friend Nate Thai are exactly the kind of friendship this data is describing, and they’ve been open about what it actually looks like in practice.
“It’s kind of a joke online that they [men] don’t talk about their feelings or how they actually feel,” McCain said. “They don’t dive deep into more questions about what they want out of this life. But that’s huge in terms of a real, honest friendship. Me and Nate, we troll all the time. But we both know if we need to have a serious conversation, we’ll get serious and we can be vulnerable with each other.”
McCain and Thai met just two and a half years ago, but the depth of the friendship they’ve built since defies the timeline. When McCain tore his meniscus and didn’t know what to do without basketball to fall back on, Thai was the first one there.
“He was the one to crack the first joke,” McCain said. “When I first got the call that I tore my meniscus, the first thing he said to me was, ‘At least you have another leg,’ which I love. And from then on, he helped me. I couldn’t leave my bed for a while and he was there for me.”
For Thai, the speed at which the friendship deepened surprised even him. “I used to always think whoever you’ve known the longest is your best friend,” he said. “I just met Jared two and a half years ago, and that’s my guy. That’s my brother for real. In three years, I feel like I’ve known him my whole life.”
What makes their friendship work, McCain says, is the emotional maturity they’ve both committed to. “We both work on our emotional maturity and how we can process things. He knows my routines and how I can be better emotionally. When we’re getting upset or when we’re getting mad, we handle that very well and we can have those conversations because we’re so close like that.”
His advice to other men trying to build that kind of friendship is straightforward. “Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with them,” McCain said. “If it’s really your friend, they won’t joke about it or not take it seriously. It’s okay to have that conversation and go right back to trolling. They can help you be a better version of yourself.”
