Healing Through Dialogue: The Impact of Quinton Ryan's SPACE

Being a Black man in America is hard. We are constantly trying to survive and many of us don’t ever get the opportunity to really live. From the single man to the man with a family of five, the more responsibilities we obtain, the heavier the weight of life pulls on us. 

As men, we are taught from young to always be strong and never cry. Humans are emotional beings but for some reason, Black men are left out of the equation when their emotions are on the table. We haven’t been shown how to live with our emotions and embrace them. We haven’t learned how to communicate.

At the bare minimum, Black men should be able to speak candidly and vulnerably with the people closest to them. His homeboys. The same friends that he talks about his sexual excursions with. The friends that he talks to about sports. Those are the same people he should be able to talk to about his anxiety with his new job, thoughts about depression and more.

Black men need to create a community with like-minded men so that they can grow and know that they are not alone. Quinton Ryan has co-created the SPACE for just that. The London-born HR director has taken his passion for helping people outside of the workplace and incorporated it with the men closest to him.

"SPACE is an opportunity for Black men to come together to talk about things that we typically don't talk about with our friend circles," Ryan defines the safe space he created.

At his house in Atlanta, Georgia, once a month around 7 pm, you will find a group of no more than 15-20 Black men gathered having a dialogue about the experiences and complexities they face from being a Black man living in America.

"I typically don't have more than 20 people and the reason that is because individuals do get vulnerable and tell stories that they may not have spoken about in front of people before. So, I want to keep that space as sacred as I can," Ryan explains. "Looking at the LGBTQ+ community, there isn't opportunities, or at least highlighted that I know of, that allow small groups of people to come together and really be vulnerable about challenging things."

The dialogue in SPACE is not the typical conversation that's had among Black men. There isn't much talk about sports, partying, or the people they are dating. Instead, the discussions are deeper and elevated with topics such as finding the right therapist, learning how to be a better partner, polygamy vs. polyamory and navigating life. Normally, many men would be uncomfortable with having these conversations with one friend let alone a room full of men they may have never met. But it's the structure of SPACE that sets the tone for the evening.

"There is a set of rules that we all agree on before we begin any conversations. Rules like, 'We are here to learn and not judge. Treat everyone with respect. What's shared in this room stays in this room,'" Ryan shares. After the rules have been established, the talking starts and the healing begins.

A topic that Ryan is eager to talk about is giving grace. We all have our struggles and moments where we are just trying to hang on. It's vital to give your friends and family grace because we are all trying to figure this thing out called life. But Ryan says it's also important to give yourself grace.

"We talked about giving our friends grace but I think we also need to give ourselves grace. I don't give myself grace enough. And I don't think sometimes ...we don't outwardly say it."

Although it's a room of Black men, not one pair is the same. They all come from different backgrounds, different cities and have different experiences, which has allowed them to share very unique perspectives. In turn, it offers insight into another way of thinking. After leaving the SPACE sessions, many express their gratefulness for the SPACE, returning the next month eager to delve into the upcoming topic.

Black men are always fighting in silence for fear that they will be judged or their manhood will be attacked. Long while the person next to you, who looks like you, is dealing with the same issue. Many don't know the power a conversation can have to change the outlook on someone's life.

This is the type of SPACE that every Black man needs. A place where he can remove all of his armor that shields him from the world. So that he can feel comfortable enough to speak about the things that trouble him the most.

One goal of Ryan's is to put SPACE on the road to be able to affect change in Black men in other cities outside of Atlanta.

Check out his full interview.