Dating Tips for Black Men From A Black Woman
With author Demetria L. Lucas’ Don’t Waste Your Pretty preparing for its debut as a TV One movie, a resurgence in interest for the writer’s 2014 book, with the same name, has caused her to dust off hundreds of copies she had in storage and sell them online with her signature.
The former Essence relationships editor said that she’s made more sales of the book now than she did when it originally released, which according to her had great initial sales.
Lucas became the go-to-girl for relationship and dating advice after the success of her first book A Belle In Brooklyn, which was named after her popular blog.
For Don’t Waste Your Pretty, she took reoccurring questions and subjects from messages that she received from her fans and advice-seekers. She was able to compact over 30,000 questions into over 300-pages of her responses to the most common relationship-related problems that her readers wanted to know the answers.
And though a lot of her writings and advice is geared toward Black women, most of it can be applied to Black men as well. She even makes it a point to include them in on the fun because most of the problems that occur aren't a gender thing, but a bad communication (or lack of) and general ignorance sort of thing for both men and women.
For example, according to Lucas, the phrase “don’t waste your pretty” is a euphemism for women, and men, to stop giving away valuable resources and assets that they give to the wrong the partner, whether it’s their time, money, sex, affection, prayers, kind words, emotional support, and then some.
It’s time to dust off a copy of Don’t Waste Your Pretty long with Lucas and pick out some advice the author gives that can be applied to Black men.
Smile and give a compliment
Smiling seems like a simple concept but it’s also very important for attracting the person you want. Lucas emphasizes smiling and giving compliments throughout the book because it makes you noticeable, approachable and interested. When you spot someone you like, give a smile and then follow up with a compliment. The compliment gives you something to say as a great ice breaker.
Most people respond well to a smile and compliment because it's an easy and friendly interaction. It's not going to get you a date, but it does get you in the door to talk to someone. This advice doesn’t just work for dating but also networking in general.
Put some effort into dating
A lot of people use the notion of stopping looking for someone and let it happen when it happens. And while that may have worked for some people, in reality, it doesn’t make this. Think about this, have you ever left anything that you wanted in life up to chance? You’ve put thought and action into what college to go to, what field to major in, what job to take, that promotion, whether or not to start a business, where to live and what car to drive.
If love is as important to you as many people say it is, why not put in similar energy to those other things you wanted and went after. This doesn’t mean go crazy and sign up for a dating reality show or start auditioning people to be your partner. But it does mean positioning yourself get what you're after by doing things that will bring you closer to your love goal.
You can find a date anywhere
You can meet people almost anywhere including a coffee shop, the library, the mall, the pharmacy, running errands, and literally anywhere that a person might be. Your daily life is your dating pool and meeting someone while enjoying your favorite cup of Bullet Coffee is possible.
Don’t wait for that night at the club or bar to pick up a date, because there are groups of men and women, at the club, looking to do the same thing. Additionally, the person who you meet in those environments usually doesn’t give an accurate representation of who they are during daylight hours. They’re an altered version of themselves due to alcohol, or other substances, and they’re usually more “turnt up,” because they’re also there to have fun and let loose.
Also, try new activities that you might be interested in or go to functions thrown by professional organizations, like local medical or attorney’s association. Also, you can buy a ticket for a charity event. These are places where professional and affluent people gather if that’s your speed, and you don’t have to be a member or in their field to participate in some of their social events.
Don’t limit your options
Men usually don’t have a problem with this one but it needs to be said that if you’re single and not in a committed relationship, you are allowed to date as many people as you are comfortable with. The purpose of dating is to get to know someone and you should be more than capable of doing that with multiple people until you weed out the ones you're not interested in.
In the meantime, while you’re sorting out the options that you’ve gotten yourself, don’t miss out on allowing your friends and family to find you someone as well. Your single friends may know someone who might interest you. Your married friends might know someone who has what you’re missing. Your family will approve someone who’s definitely good on paper. And your co-workers can pull matches from places you never even thought of before.
Additionally, millions of people have built relationships and long-term marriages off of meeting online so don’t dismiss online dating as just a sex tool. It’s a billionaire dollar industry with the data to back it up.