Question: Hello Cavalli, To make this simple I’ll say that the more men I meet the more frustrated I get. I am a 28 year old woman that is ready for the next phase of life. That next phase consists of finding a man, eventually getting married, and ultimately starting a family. I am a strong, independent, goal-orientated woman who knows what she wants. I have a double masters degree, no kids, my own car and home, and I will be debt free by the end of the year.
For some reason guys don’t want to talk to me for more than a few short weeks. I’m a sweet person, but I’m not a dumb person. I’m not a virgin, but I am definitely not “easy” by any means either. I just can’t understand what I’m doing so wrong to make guys just abruptly stop talking to me out of nowhere. I don’t want to waste my time on the wrong man so on the first date I usually ask them about their goals, future plans for a family/kids and income potential. The last guy I went on a date with texted me that I was “intimidating” after he dropped me off. He wouldn’t elaborate on what he meant by that so I’m hoping you can give me some clarity on his comment.
Cavalli’s Advice: Hello, and thank you for writing in. First, I would like to commend you on your achievements and how driven and responsible you are. Now in regards to your last date’s comment, it could be coming from a place of personal insecurities within himself.
I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during your date so I could hear exactly what was said and how it was said. What a lot of ladies don’t realize is that they some times come off like an alpha male spewing out every accomplishment and award they have ever acquired from the time they were in Girl Scouts hoping that they will be seen as equal. Please understand that you are already equal and should be treated as such by any and every man with or without you having the success you’ve gained . In that case the insecurities are coming from personal battles within the lady herself. There is no problem sharing your accolades, IF you are ASKED about them.
That comment from your last date could also be coming from you making him feel inferior. He may not have as many awards or diplomas to show as you do, so if that’s what he thinks is important to you and he doesn’t have them then he might feel like you would look down on him. Your date also could have been referring to being intimidated by the questions you were asking about his income and his future plans for a family.
I understand and respect that you don’t want to waste your time with the wrong man, BUT you can run the right guy away by asking him the right questions at the wrong time. The questions you asked are important and do need to be addressed, but I don’t believe the first date is the proper setting for those types of questions.
One other point that I would like to bring up is that some of the men you are “running off” are running because they just wanted to RUN game. Some of those men that you spoke of may not have genuinely cared about getting to know you, because they just wanted to have sex with you and then be done. When they realized you were not going to be an easy prey they took off.
Men know who they can run game on and who they can’t. Men will either rise to the occasion and step up their game or step off. If that’s the situation then take it as a compliment that those “men” who are really boys are intimidated. I promise you that real men, love a strong woman. That is sexy to us! Keep doing what you’re doing and the RIGHT MAN will come looking for you… Just don’t ask him about his last year’s tax statements on the first date;-)
Please keep me posted on your dating progress, and don’t ever lower your standards if you become lonely. You’re a Queen!