Question: Hello Mr. Leonardo Cavalli, I wanted to get your second opinion on something. As of right now I am a single mother of two young, twin girls. I would love nothing more than to have a real family with the father of my children, but every time I give him a chance to come back into our lives he cheats on me. I’ve caught him cheating on THREE DIFFERENT OCCASIONS! It’s like he doesn’t care that he is breaking my heart, and he always tells me it was a mistake and that it will never happen again. Everyone I know thinks I’m dumb for always taking him back, but they just don’t understand that I really love him and want to make it work. I want my girls to grow up in a healthy and happy home! The father of my children is so good with saying the right things when I catch him, and I can’t help but believe him. I don’t know where to draw the line. Should I leave him for good or should I keep trying to make it work?
Cavalli Advice: Hello, and thank you for writing in. I’d like to let you know that you are not alone, and that there are thousands of women who go through your same situation everyday. First I would like to commend you on the heart you have to want to keep your family together, while striving to give your daughters a happy, healthy home to grow up in. I agree that having a strong family foundation is important for children, however I believe that you could also be doing more harm than good if you continue to take him back. Right now your daughters are young, but it’s only a matter of time before they are old enough to put the pieces together and recognize that their mother is in a bad relationship. You must keep in mind that most young girls aspire to be like their mothers, so you have to be careful what you feed their subconscious. If they see their mother getting cheated on then they may also think that it is ok for men to do the same to them. It’s not ok for your daughters to ever endorse that behavior, and it is not alright for you to endorse that behavior either. I am all for fighting for relationships, but you have to be able to draw a line in the sand for yourself and say enough is enough. My father always said that, “When a person messes up the first time that’s a mistake. They may not have known better, however the next time they make the same mistake it is now a conscious decision.” There is a thin line between a genuine apology and manipulation.
You must ask yourself, how sorry can you really be if you repeatedly do the same thing. I have too many ladies as clients that tell me about their smooth-talking boyfriends/husbands. I’ll never say that there is a perfect number to call it quits after, but even in baseball you only get three strikes and you’re OUT! As you said, you’ve already caught him three times before.
If you let him continuously cheat and then repeat their will be no need for him to fix his problem. Yes, I said problem, that he needs professional help to overcome. A man should be able to be happy with one woman for the rest of his life if he truly loves her, and don’t let the media or society tell you different. His habitual cheating habits are not only disrespecting you but your daughters as well, while breeding trust issues within all of you simultaneously. Please understand that you are a Queen and should be loved and adored by a loving, honest and FAITHFUL King!
You may need to love him from a distance while moving on. I assume you have custody of your girls, so allow him to see the girls from time to time while you work on yourself. The last thing you want to do is rush into another bad relationship. I counsel several ladies that will tell you how peaceful and joyful their lives became when they finally made a firm decision and stuck to it. Either their current man finally straightened out, or they gave up the current man and got the man they were dreaming of shortly after. If it’s called for, I encourage you to be brave enough to give up the good to get the great! You deserve the best and nothing less!
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