Question: Hello Coach Cavalli, I am writing you because my boyfriend of 10 months has very suspicious behavior. Usually I’m a very trusting person, but I was cheated on in my last relationship so I try to pay close attention to any red flags I see now. I love my boyfriend very much, and I do trust him, but his words and actions just don’t match up to me. He tells me that he loves me and that I’m the only one he cares for and wants to be with.
What doesn’t make sense to me is the he will not put “in a relationship” on his Facebook status or put up any picture of me or us on his Instagram. He tells me he doesn’t broadcast our love because he doesn’t want every in our business, but that just seems funny to me. If he can post about everything else in his life from what he eats to concerts he goes to then why can’t you post about the love of our life.
My ex-boyfriend told me the same thing, and then I found out that he had another “girlfriend” at the same time as me. If we are not Facebook official then I honestly don’t feel like we are actually officially going out. We fight quite often over this subject. Should I leave this topic alone or should I keep pushing to get him to change his status?
Cavalli’s Advice: Hello and thank you for writing in. First I would like to say that I’m sorry that you have been cheated on before. No one deserves that. I understand your logic in trying to protect yourself by matching up patterns from your old relationship to protect yourself in your current one. However, you might actually end up hurting your current relationship if you are basing everything off of your last one. All men are not cheaters, and all men are different. Even though your boyfriend’s actions may be similar to your ex’s you can’t automatically throw them in the same box.
As you mentioned, you trust your boyfriend. If you really trust someone then you COMPLETELY trust them or you don’t. If he hasn’t given you any other reason to suspect him of being unfaithful then I would say to leave this topic alone. Be wise and be watchful, but don’t create a problem when there isn’t one just because of insecurities that were created from previous relationships.
Also, Facebook is NOT the final say in determining if a couple is official or not. My parents have been married for 40 YEARS and they’ve never put up their relationship status on Facebook. Don’t lose a good man by annoying him to death over a social media status. If he tells you and shows you that he loves you, believe him until his actions show you otherwise. I wish you peace and joy in your love life.
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