I recently had a friend of mine ask me if he should continue to pursue a lady he was interested in even though he didn’t like her past. Before I could even answer he said that he immediately realized that he should not have asked about her past boyfriends and relationships after he did it. I agreed with him on his thought because there is rarely anything good that will come from you dumpster diving in someone else’s past. An individual will usually only find facts that now make them insecure about that partner or themselves. There are countless psychology books that teach against talking about past relationships in a new one. It simply ruins things.
You keep digging and you’re going to find out this guy had a bigger “this” or that girl had a prettier “that”. The more you ask the more questions come from it. We would all love to hear that the person we love has never loved or even cared about anyone but us. We would love to hear that our partner did not have ten boy/girlfriends and that they never had a lustful thought about anyone until they met us, but that’s not realistic. Most of us ask questions but don’t really seek THE truth we seek OUR fairytale truth to be told back to us.
The fact of the matter is that none of us are perfect. All of us have made mistakes. In relationships, you can’t have a double standard and say a lady is a hoe because she slept with the same amount of people as you. You can’t truly say that you love someone unless you can love all of them. So if there past somehow comes out, you shouldn’t throw the baby away with the bath water. Remember you loved this person before you knew their past, so if you love them less after you hear it then you never really loved them at all.
Anyone can love something or someone that’s perfect, but it takes REAL love to overlook wrongs. Also, keep in mind she/he didn’t do these acts directly against you. They did them before they met you or even knew you existed. The only questions I would advise an individual to ask about their partner’s past are the following:
1) When was the last time you were tested for HIV/AIDS? Have you ever had a STD?
2) Were you always a man/woman?
3) Are there any sex tapes floating around of you?
You have a right to ask these questions because you have a right to protect your physical body and your reputation. Besides that, I think we need to learn to give people mercy. We were all trying to find ourselves at one time, and many of us made mistakes during that process. You can only judge if you’re perfect, and since none of us are leaving the past in the past.
If you have questions about your relationship, make sure you email them to QGRomanceMENt@gmail.com