Question: Hi Mr. Cavalli! I’ve been dating the same woman for the last two years and I am deeply in love with her! I would like to pop the big question in the next year but I’m concerned about the weight she is steadily gaining. I hate to sound shallow because I know that things will change in life and no one will look the exact same their entire life, but it seems like her eating habits are getting out of control. She has put on an additional 25 pounds in the last year and a half and I’m afraid that as time progresses she will continue to gain more weight. I’m simply not as attracted to her as I was when I first met her and it’s starting to effect our sex life in a negative way. I haven’t gained any weight in these last two years that we have been together, and I don’t even go to the gym. As her boyfriend, do I have the right to tell her to go to the gym?

Cavalli Advice: Hello and thank you for writing in. I understand your concern because physical attraction is very important in relationships, especially with the way men are psychologically wired. I believe that you do love your girlfriend and ultimately just want her to be her best for herself and for you. However, I don’t think demanding her to go to the gym is the best route to take.

First, I think you may need to get a better understanding of why she has gained weight. What some people fail to realize is that certain individuals are emotional eaters. For example, some people eat excessively because they are sad, while others may eat in abundance because they are stressed. Next time you get the chance to sit down with her, ask her if there is anything that has changed in the last year and a half that has caused her to be overly stressed or possibly depressed.

Even though you would like her to lose weight I believe that there are more tactful ways to approach this situation than telling her to go the gym. You have all the right to express how you feel to your girlfriend, but you want to always use wisdom on HOW you express your feelings to her.

As you may know weight can be a very sensitive subject for ladies, so I would advise being a leader in this situation. What I mean by that is lead by your lifestyle. Based on what you have mentioned, you don’t need to go to the gym. However, you may need to start going for her sake. If you start going to the gym it makes it a lot easier to introduce this new lifestyle to her by inviting her with you. Then you will avoid directly offending her and still be able to be a support to her while she is there. The types of food she eats may also play into her issue of gaining weight. You may also need to lead the way by introducing her and yourself into healthier eating habits. Lifestyle transitions like this are always easier and better when you both are making these changes TOGETHER! Just for the record I would advise you in the same manner even if you were married to her at this point. You always want to be honest and considerate when dealing with your partner’s emotions whether you are just her boyfriend or her husband of twenty years.

Please keep me posted on how things work out with you both. I genuinely wish you both the best as you strive to make your love last!

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