Question: Hello Leonardo. I am writing you because I am a man that wants to be more than a friend to one of my best friends. We have know each other for six years and we have always clicked from the beginning. We love doing all the same things. We agree about almost every issue. We always have the best time laughing when we are together, and nothing is ever stressful or forced when she is around.
On several occasions she has mentioned that she thinks that I’m an amazing guy, and that any girl would be lucky to have me. She even mentioned that she thinks that I’m going to make an amazing dad some day. Over the years she’s come to me about all her “boy problems” and I have helped her through them. During those times I would ask her what she is looking for in a man, and what she describes is everything I am currently. I’ve honestly been attracted to her from the first time I saw her as well! I’d love to be in a relationship with her, but I don’t want to risk losing her friendship if she doesn’t feel the same. How would you advise I approach this situation?
Cavalli’s Advice: Hello, and thank you for writing in. I think it’s great that you could see your best friend as more than just a friend because the majority of the most successful marriages I know of started off as being great friends first. I believe that it is vital to have a strong friendship as a foundation for any long-lasting relationship.
I don’t always recommend individuals to take the leap of pursuing a relationship with their friends. The reason I don’t, is because some friends haven’t received any “buying signals”. Some times friends actually want to be pursued and will leave you hints about how they feel towards you in an indirect manner. Your friend mentioning that any other girl would be lucky to have you or that she thinks that you would make a great dad some day could mean that she has considered you for herself at some point during your friendship. I do want you to be aware that you do run the risk of being rejected and making the friendship awkward if she actually doesn’t feel the same. However, you’ll never know if you don’t try. At the end of your life you don’t want to have regrets thinking about the “would haves” or “could haves”.
An approach of honesty is always best. Next time when you are both together and alone, wait until right before you leave each other and nonchalantly ask her if she is seriously talking to anyone’s else. If she says “no” then tell her how you’ve grown to admire all her great qualities over the years. List a couple of those qualities out and tell her those are things you’ve always wanted in a partner. Smoothly let her know that you are attracted to her and that you wouldn’t rather be in a relationship with anyone else. Tell her that there is no pressure, but you just wanted to let her know how you felt. Ask her to think about it and get back to you the next day. This takes away the pressure of her having to give you an immediate answer, and allows her a good amount of time to really analyze the situation offer at hand.
Most friends have actually already thought about it before, so it shouldn’t be rocket science if they actually feel the same and want more than a friendship with you as well. There are several other great ways to approach this situation. I just wanted to recommend this simple method which has worked very well for several of my clients. I hope this goes well for you. Please keep me posted on what happens.
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