Living with others can be one of the best parts of student life — built-in company, shared costs, and sometimes even new friendships. But what happens when the people you live with don’t quite see eye to eye on what “clean” means? Dirty dishes, overflowing bins, and messy shared spaces can create serious tension, especially when you feel like you’re the only one tidying up.
Whether you’re in a shared house or a student accommodation Melbourne complex, figuring out how to live with less-than-tidy housemates is a reality for many. The good news? You don’t have to start a house war to sort it out.
Start With Your Own Standards
It might sound obvious, but not everyone grew up with the same habits or expectations around cleanliness. What feels unacceptable to you might be totally normal for someone else.
Before you bring it up with anyone, take stock of how you’re contributing to the space:
- Are there things you could be doing more consistently?
- Have you clearly communicated what bothers you?
- Are there times you’ve been messy too — even unintentionally?
Setting the right tone starts with self-awareness. And being able to say “Hey, I know I’ve left my stuff around sometimes too, but…” makes any future conversation more grounded and fair.
Avoid Passive-Aggressive Tactics
We’ve all seen it — the sarcastic group chat message, the angry note on the fridge, or the dish that’s been left in the sink on purpose as a silent protest.
Here’s the thing: passive-aggressive behaviour almost never works. At best, it gets ignored. At worst, it creates tension that can make the space feel even more uncomfortable.
If something’s consistently bothering you, it’s worth having a calm, clear chat, not a side-eye-filled guessing game.
Pick the Right Time (and the Right Words)
Timing matters. If you’ve just found a pile of dirty dishes after a long day, it’s probably not the moment to bring it up. Wait until everyone’s in a better headspace.
When you do start the conversation, keep it casual but clear:
- Focus on how the mess makes you feel, rather than accusing them.
- Use “I” statements: “I feel stressed when the kitchen’s dirty because I can’t prep my meals easily.”
- Suggest solutions, not just complaints: “Could we try splitting up the cleaning so it feels fairer for everyone?”
It doesn’t need to be dramatic — just honest. A simple 10-minute talk can avoid weeks of silent frustration.
Set Shared Expectations
Sometimes the mess isn’t about laziness — it’s about a lack of structure. When everyone’s busy and living on different schedules, it’s easy for shared responsibilities to fall through the cracks.
Consider creating a light-touch cleaning routine or checklist. It doesn’t need to be strict — even just a weekly reset where everyone pitches in can make a huge difference.
Try:
- Rotating responsibilities each week (kitchen, bathroom, living area)
- A group agreement on things like how long dishes can stay in the sink or when bins get emptied
- Using reminders or a shared calendar (even a note on the fridge can help)
A shared system turns vague expectations into something everyone’s agreed to.
Lead by Example
Sometimes the easiest way to influence behaviour is to model it. If you consistently clean up after yourself, do your part around the house, and pitch in when something needs doing, it sets a tone.
It also makes your feedback more credible. People are more likely to listen when they know you’re not just complaining, but actually trying to make things better for everyone.
Know When to Let It Go
Not every battle is worth fighting. If the mess is minor or occasional, and you’ve already raised it once or twice, you may need to ask yourself: Is this something I can live with?
Student life is messy — literally and figuratively. People are learning how to manage themselves, and not everyone will get it right the first time. If the situation isn’t affecting your health or safety, sometimes it’s better to pick your battles and focus on your own space.
And If It Gets Too Much…
If things really aren’t improving, and you’ve tried talking, setting boundaries, and being patient, it might be time to explore other options — especially if it’s affecting your mental health or ability to live comfortably.
- Look into changing rooms or flats (some accommodation providers have this option).
- Talk to the property manager or support team if you’re in a structured housing setup.
- Or, when it’s time to renew your lease, consider a fresh start with housemates whose habits match yours better.
You’re not stuck forever, and learning how to live with others is a skill that takes time, patience, and practice.
Living with messy housemates isn’t easy. But with a bit of honest communication and a few small systems in place, it is manageable. And who knows — you might just help someone develop habits they’ll thank you for later.
Photo Credit: DepositPhotos.com
