Every day, social media is flooded with conversations about the challenges of dating this generation, with Black men and women frequently engaging in debates over who is to blame for the high number of singles.
These discussions often spiral into gender wars, with each side pointing fingers—men accusing women of having unrealistic standards and women criticizing men for lacking emotional maturity. While some of these exchanges are lighthearted, others reveal deeper frustrations about relationships, societal expectations, and the evolving dynamics of love and commitment.
A viral TikTok by user Justin Scott explores the historical and systemic forces that shape the Black dating market. In his video, Scott argues that economic exclusion, not personal failings, is at the root of the struggles Black men and women face in relationships today.
His central argument? Black men were robbed of the ability to build generational wealth, Black women were locked out of financial security, and both were then expected to participate in a dating system designed for a society that never included them.
@cypher.j so stop blaming each other other! #love #couples #relationship #therapy #history #dating ♬ original sound – Justin Scott
Scott discusses the historical policies that systematically disadvantaged Black people, shaping economic and social disparities that persist today. One major example is the destruction of Black wealth-building efforts, such as Tulsa’s Black Wall Street and the Rosewood Massacre.
Additionally, policies like the GI Bill disproportionately favored white men, granting them access to housing, education, and wealth-building opportunities, while Black veterans were largely excluded.
Redlining and job discrimination also prevented Black men from establishing economic security, keeping them locked out of homeownership and stable employment. Even Social Security initially excluded Black workers.
At the same time, Black women faced their own systemic barriers. They were denied the ability to own property or open bank accounts without a male co-signer. Many were pushed into low-paying domestic work while also being forced to serve as primary caregivers.
Scott says these challenges created a fundamental imbalance in relationships, making it difficult for Black men to live up to outdated provider expectations and leaving Black women exhausted from carrying dual burdens.
America’s traditional dating model was built on government-backed wealth that primarily benefited white families. These policies allowed white households to thrive on a single income, ensuring financial stability for generations. Meanwhile, Black families were denied these same opportunities yet were still expected to conform to the same structure without the necessary resources or support.
Rather than addressing these historical injustices, society has shifted the blame onto individuals. Black men are told to “stop being broke,” despite generations of economic theft and systemic barriers. Black women, on the other hand, are criticized for “being too independent,” even though they were historically forced into both paid and unpaid labor to support their families.
This discussion isn’t just about dating—it’s about the larger economic system that continues to impact Black families, relationships, and financial mobility. The ongoing wage gaps, housing discrimination, and wealth disparities make it clear that these struggles aren’t just personal—they’re systemic.
Scott believes if we want to fix the Black dating market, we have to first address the economic exclusion that created it. Instead of pointing fingers at each other, he urges Black men and women to unite in dismantling the policies that have kept them at a disadvantage for generations.
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